Tuesday, 23 September 2014
'Autumn leaves are brown and gold, brown and gold, brown and gold. Autumn leaves are brown and gold- in my garden'.
I have been feeling like there is Autumn in my heart. I've avoided age and mortality for years now but all of a sudden, a single significant birthday and it's here, right inside me those brown and gold colours. I'm all of a sudden beset by tiredness, everyone is always younger than me, wrinkles, becoming invisible. I could go on in the same self obsessed lamenting for hours if you would let me. But... Today in the woods, where I always seem to get an epiphany of sorts, it just clicked. I can't be me without the years. I can't be a wife, a mother to my flame haired rascals, a writer, a person trying hard to discover grace and compassion wherever she goes- I can't be that person without having lived what I have lived. It is a truth so simple and searing that I missed it entirely. I've been a 'someone' to people I have loved and still love. I've been the 'rather it happened than didn't girl' and I survived it all and I am sure I have always been forgiven. If not in the hearts of everyone I've touched, I know in the heart that ultimately matters.
I'm still sad to see time spinning by and I'm always willing it to slow for one more 'squeeze cuddle', one more sticky little hand in mine. I'm still buying eye cream for the first time and I'm still lowering the length of my skirts. But there has been so much up until now, and God willing there will be so much more to come.
Sunday, 7 September 2014
'When the fireweed turns to cotton summertime is forgotten'.
It's a Canadian saying but I think it works the same here. And despite my best efforts I can see Autumn will be showing itself to me in full force, that I can't ignore, in the next few weeks.
Fireweed is my favourite. It's royal purple blooms tower above me in the summer weeks. The best is yet to come when the cotton appears though- the children grab handfuls and it flys around their fiery red hair like snow flakes in the orange late evening light. We come home with a white downy covering, all the way home sowing the seeds for next summers purple beauties.
Tuesday, 2 September 2014
I was tired on Monday night but I had promised the boy and the dog an evening walk. I had a busy weekend and Mondays are always testing. I just struggled half way round the woods, I was grumpy and really, really wanted to sit down- just for a few minutes. But as I kept going I started to get my stride. Do you know that feeling? When a second wind takes over and your body just moves itself, at a faster pace and you feel ever so slightly revived. My son took my hand we went down his 'secret path' and I really saw the woods again. And in seeing I definitely think the change of seasons is underway. Just look at those snowberries.
Tuesday, 29 July 2014
I could post you a hundred pictures of this beach but I still don't think I could convey to you without my words what it means to me. To us I should really say - my husband's family holidayed here. A much regretted sale of a house decades ago never forgotten. That familiar feeling, a slight rush of happiness when you set a foot in sand, when you remember times past and look forward to future family times; a special place.
I am not sure much can compare to bringing your coffee cup out of the house to the beach, sat on your deck chair watching the kids build sandcastles for hours and hours. Fishing in rock pools, swimming in shallow waters with pockets of warmth, moving back to the sea wall as the tide returns in.It always returns in.
Sunday, 20 July 2014
My dear friend Nic has been recording 100 fun things with her boys over the summer and she has really inspired me. She always inspires me to have more fun and to be grateful for everything. As a family we thought we could combine recording the joyful poetry of everyday life with fun and have agreed on a family list! Let's see how it goes and happy summer everyone :) Jo xx
July is my birthday month. So being 40 is a big thing - considering I still feel 23 in my head. I had the best of birthdays celebrating with family and friends. Nothing big, just a weekend away with the family, a family lunch and a wee night in my favourite bar with my favourite people. I laughed a lot and felt very happy and loved. I am so happy and grateful for all the great people in my life. My other half played a big part in organising it and this picture just sums us up- still happy together and best being together after 18 years.